Castles and Crusades

The Adventure Continues...?

A Barbarian Perspective

Dear Diary,

Just when I was worried about how I was going to keep my little wizard buddy, the monk, and the cleric alive, we met two new adventurers who seem to be pretty tough. One of them is a tough half-elf ranger, and the other one is a fiesty little wild elf. They showed up when some wolves tried to crash our woodland campsite. I’m relieved they’ve joined us because we can use all the help we can get. The little wild elf got savaged pretty bad by the wolf but I guess the Cleric is good for something because he patched her right up. Our monk friend on the other hand did sweet FA. It’s like he wasn’t even there!

These people don’t know how to feed themselves, honestly. I suggested we eat the wolf-meat but everyone except Mister Morbid (the cleric) seemed to turn up their noses to this idea. It was awful leaving those wolf bodies behind, I would have enjoyed a nice wolf-headed cloak! But, better to travel light.

So we headed North but wound up trapped in some kind of pixie magic – those funny little blighters. Pixies are amusing but just such a giant headache. In the end we got to meet a Pixie Queen, I could have squished her with two fingers, they are so eensy weensy. Not that you’d want to, best not to tango with these little magicky types.

Anyway, Queen Knee-High gave us a clue for where to find the Goblins and the dog-headed beastie. We had to go west towards a ruined tower. And luckily for my friends, Wizzo was able to trade some of his marbles for food rations. (I can certainly feed myself but the group seems to be in a big hurry all the time which hinders the hunt so I decided to be practical and take some of them! Rule number 67 of being a barbarian: never say no to a free meal.)

So we took a little stroll towards this ruined tower thing. We should have known better because you can’t trust these Pixies. It took forever because most of my buddies are carrying way too much stuff. And yet, nobody thought to actually carry anything practical – the cleric fell in a hole and luckily I had a rope to haul his backside out of there.

Hmm let’s see, what else happened. Some pixies threw rocks at us (little blighters!!!!) and then we had a run in with some of the tower’s magical defenses, in the form of a flying snake illusion. Bloody magic nonsense! It’s damn useful at times, sure, but ever since we ran into that snake I can’t help but feel like I’m off my game, I’ve lost some mojo somehow. That damn snake cursed me, I know it! And of course Mister Wiz doesn’t have a bloody clue how to fix it, not Mister Cleric, either. But, they can put people to sleep and heal them so I guess that’s at least something useful.

Then as we got closer to the castle, this terrifying eerie trumpeting scared the living shite out of me. Same with the Ranger. I guess we’re the only ones with any sense!!! The rest of our troop of heroes just stood around taking no heed to the horrible sound. It could have been another one of those damn snakes or anything! Seriously, kiddos, standing around acting like nothing’s happening is an easy way to get killed! She who fights and runs away lives to fight another day. Anyway it’s not “fleeing” – it’s regrouping so you can come up with a cunning plan.

So, yeah, terrifying trumpeting – Ranger and I ran like the wind. At one point the little wild elf was throwing rocks at us! (Uhm, hello! The danger is the other way!) When we were sure the danger had passed we regrouped and kept going.

When we finally got into the tower it was a ghost town – just some skeletons laying around, you know, orcs and crap like that. There was this gawdawful smell that turned out to be that damn pixie food. It had all rotted down in our packs! Pixie magic. typical!

There was more magical nonsense in the form of a bright blue light, which our wild elf friend seemed to get quite a buzz out of.

Then we heard some wings flapping and a big shadow appeared – it was a freaking winged lion with the head of a human! I was a little skeptical – thinking he mght be out to kill us, but in the end he turned out to be a friend. The wild elf and I gave him a nice back scratch and he let us stay the night there. Elfie kept pestering him to ride on his back but he was not into that idea at all. (Seriously, who rides a Manticore, or whatever he was? I think she might be daft in the head.) Mister Cleric did some waving of hands and magical bibblebabble and cleaned up our food so we all were able to have something to eat. I’m not convinced that his spell managed to clear that smell out of my pack, though. I should wash it.

Anyway, ManHead Lionbody gave us some more tips about where to find the goblins, so we headed out that way. Back to the river again.

I’ve got to go now, diary. Hope I didn’t mix up the sequence of events too badly. You know how it is. So much happens in the life of an adventurer, it’s hard to keep track.



benturner beth

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